gerri gewirtz: 2012

Thursday, December 20, 2012

What We Can Do

Sometimes we feel hopeless in the face of tragedy and violence. Some people retreat into anger or confusion. Others just shut down.

I refuse to adhere to just one reaction. All of us have different emotional make-ups and the issue of gun violence is very complex. Politics, religion, sex, and where you reside (a city, suburban, rural area) all influence what position you take on whether gun ownership protects or endangers those around you.

I can only speak from my experience. I live in the most populous city in the U.S. and am lucky that I have never witnessed a shooting. I have also worked for almost thirty years in the Bronx and used public transportation every day. In the high school where I worked in the west Bronx, there were incidents involving student fights and gang violence. I sometimes had to break up fights in my classroom or assist controlling incidents in the hallways.

After retirement, I worked for two years at a live-in facility for teenagers who were locked down because they came from detention centers or the psychiatric wards of city hospitals. They themselves were often the victims of parental and street violence. Adults who worked at this facility were trained to respond to students who were out-of-control and almost every day there was an alert on the loudspeaker system for such an incident.

Despite all of these experiences, I never once felt that allowing a security officer or aide to possess a weapon was a solution to these problems. And I know I would have felt unsafe in an environment with adults and guns.

On the other hand, I have participated in many situations in which I felt students were unsafe and I, and other teachers, reacted quickly to these events to protect the students. For example, I remember one morning when the hallways and classrooms were filled with smoke because of a raging fire in the street outside the school. The school administration issued no announcements over the intercom to evacuate the students so I took it upon myself to lead my class outside the building.

Once again it was apparent that adults like teachers, parents, security personnel and even teenagers can make their own decisions about how to protect themselves without the use of weapons to control the situation. Using a weapon only signifies that things are out of control as evidenced by what happened in Newtown on December 14, 2012 and will continue to happen so long as guns are all around us.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

My Personal Dream Act

My Personal Dream Act

I’ve been reading a lot about the Dream Act lately and how groups of college age immigrants have convinced President Obama to come out in favor of allowing them to stay in the US on temporary visas so they can finish their college educations and/or military service. I applaud what they’ve achieved and hope the President can convince Congress to make the Dream Act permanent.

I know many politicians believe that they now need immigrants, especially Hispanics, if they want to get elected in the future. But that should not be the reason to court young immigrants at this time.

I worked with high school age immigrants during the entire time I taught English in the Bronx (almost forty years.) I can attest, without hesitation, that they were the most serious and ambitious students I ever taught. Most were older and more mature than their American born classmates and had spent years studying English in their native countries before they came to New York. Others had been brought here by their parents illegally and had spent all their years in the New York City public schools.

Most of them shared the same goal: they wanted to go to college in the United States. One of my Chinese students was so smart that he was programmed for my senior honors class. We were reading Macbeth. He used his Chinese/English dictionary constantly to translate Shakespearean English so he could understand the poetry and participate in the discussions and homework assignments assiduously. He graduated with a high average and was accepted at Princeton where he ended up being a math major. He eventually returned to New York and became a social studies teacher in the New York City public schools. He called me when he started working to thank me for being his favorite English teacher and asked me if I would help his future wife, a new immigrant from China, learn English.

That’s why it amazes me when some people say that immigrants are just taking jobs away from U.S. citizens and collecting welfare from the government for health and housing benefits. My distant relatives were either immigrants or the children of immigrants. And my generation was the first to go to college. My parents also grew up in an era (the depression) that was much worse economically than today’s recession. I was a child when FDR was still President. I’ll never forget how my father cried when he heard on the radio about his death in 1945. So I was just one generation away from being an immigrant. I always told me students this story when they complained about immigrants taking their jobs away.

People who follow history or are humane enough to care about other human beings should know better.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

MAMA: Martial Arts Mommy Archives: Magic Oil and the Birth of Jesus

MAMA: Martial Arts Mommy Archives: Magic Oil and the Birth of Jesus: On Monday evening, I covered Maya with a fuzzy blue blanket, gave her a big hug and kiss and said goodnight. This is part one of a bedtime r...

Monday, November 5, 2012

The Ghost Pavilion

Beware of the ghost pavilion! It exists on my side of the building on the 7^th floor. For six months, there have been only three occupied apartments (out of ten) on the north side of my floor. There are 144 apartments in my rent-stabilized building which occupies half of a square block in the 90’s on West End Avenue.

Two of the apartments were held by friends of mine who died several years ago. The apartment next to me was occupied by a friend who lived there for almost fifty years and died six months ago. No one has cleaned out his apartment yet.

Three apartments down the hall are empty. Two of them used to be a one bedroom and studio that were remodeled as a three bedroom apartment to accommodate two families with four children, who lived there for about twenty years altogether. When the last family moved out they broke up the three bedroom apartment into two apartments again. Both apartments are still empty.

Another studio apartment at the end of the hall is still rented by a musician who doesn’t live in New York but uses it a few times a years when he comes in to play as a soloist for some concerts here. Otherwise it’s mostly empty.

One other one bedroom belongs to a demented man who can’t be trusted to live by himself so he mostly stays in his companion’s apartment on the floor below. He roams around like a ghost looking for a place to alight.

I’ve actually seen some people, sometimes, in the other two apartments so I know they are rented. But one of the tenants only appears every now and then to clean out the apartment and provide food for the people who sublet sometimes for a short period of time. The other tenant I’ve seen a couple of times, but she seems to travel a lot and also sublets her apartment when she’s not around.

If you ask the management if there are any empty apartments on my floor (some people in the building who want bigger apartments have asked,) they reply that there are NO apartments available. Just a ghost pavilion! would be my reply.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Depression

from their earliest years children live on familiar terms with disrupting emotions, fear and anxiety are an intrinsic part of their everyday lives, they continually cope with frustrations as best they can. And it is through fantasy that children achieve catharsis. It is the best means they have for taming Wild Things.”
― Maurice Sendak

I was going to call this How to Avoid Depression, but then I realized that no one can avoid it. As Maurice says: even children have to cope with it at some time or another. I wish I could deal with it with fantasy, but since I’ve lived too long reality often encroaches on my fantasy world and it doesn’t really work.

Recently I had to cope with a two month period during the summer when my husband had hip replacement surgery and complications caused us to be thrown together, mostly in hospitals or at home with me as a caregiver. Although we had excellent support from home care workers and physical therapists I often felt isolated, even though my son and daughter called be called on for support most times when I needed it.

Yesterday it finally came to a head and I broke down – first getting angry at my husband, then crying uncontrollably, and finally discussing it with him and coming to a sense of relief and determination about how to deal with it.

Psychologists say there are three stages of depression: anger, grief, and determination to do something about it. This piece is one of the determinants because it allows me to express my feelings in an objective way without blaming anybody for what has happened. (This was one of the suggestions that my son expressed in a discussion we had about my breakdown after he witnessed it.)

Dealing with feeling isolated is easy. You have to get out with people you like to be with and let them distract you. My granddaughter is perfect for that because she helps me do what Sendak says children are great at – living in a fantasy world.

Getting away from your everyday environment is another way. Because we were restricted from driving any place far because of my husband’s restricted movement, I gave up my car and have done no trips outside or around the city in the last few months. I plan to remedy that by joining Zipcar as soon as possible. I will use it not just for zipping around Manhattan (I hate to drive on the crowded streets!) but for short trips to Westchester and Long Island with my husband as soon as he feels up to it.

Finally I have to deal with anxiety. My anger mostly comes from being impatient about everything: from waiting for my husband to move faster when I’m walking with him, to being disappointed that he’s not improving faster, to planning future events that I know will take time and then having to cancel them in my mind because I was unrealistic about when they could actually take place. I also found myself doing tasks around the house over and over again and doing things for my husband that I know he accomplish himself with a little bit of extra effort and grit on his part. I definitely plan to cut back on those activities.

So how do you deal with depression? The experts can probably tell you – just look online. As for me, I plan to do what Maurice suggests: tame my wild things!

9/18/12

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Home for the Duration

There has been much comment about the new phenomenon of single children coming back to roost with their parents after finishing college. My son of 30 years never left. My daughter left for a year while she was matriculating and moved back. After college she lived alone and then got married. I now see her more than I ever did because she has an adorable four year old that we baby sit at last twice a week and we love it!

He went to a city college (as my daughter did) and lived at home while commuting to school. It took him six years to graduate as he changed his major and added an extra major in communications. He is a published poet and performer; who has worked part time as restaurant host, tutor, intern for a TV production company, and even as a clerk for the census (best paying job.)

Guess what? My husband and I don’t mind his living at home. Not only do we enjoy his company, he helps out with big jobs and cleaning up in our one bedroom apartment (he sleeps in the living room.) He’s also the technical expert when it comes to connecting electronic equipment and putting things together.

He’s a good cook and we often learn about new recipes from him.

Most of all, for two retired people in their seventies, he supplies a level of security and comfort; especially for my husband who has a bad hip and has trouble moving around.

That’s not to say we wouldn’t like the extra space and freedom from clutter that his moving out would provide. But until that happens we applaud the fact this he is around.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Dream On

This morning on my way to get breakfast I walked by a storefront for rent. It was two blocks from the dojo, a slightly smaller rectangular room with a tiled floor. It looked newly renovated and blissfully empty. I love vacant commercial space, particularly rooms with hardwood floors and high ceilings. Some people look at an unfinished room and just see hours and hours of work. I see that too, but I also see kids hitting pads and matted floors with sweaty people choking each other and a rock wall and a ball pit and a colorful classroom with learning centers that are all physical. (Can you learn math by dancing? Absolutely! Please don't get me started.)

Our dojo is doing well. By that I mean that we have enough students in all our classes, we can pay all our bills relatively on time, and everyone (students, parents and staff) seems satisfied. We have enough room for growth but not so much room that we are desperate for it. We have enough money to live our lives but not enough for a yearly cruise in the Bahamas. The car we drive belonged to my mother and we love it. In short, we are happy.

We are nowhere near the point where we are thinking about expanding. In fact, right now we are about to host a fundraiser to fix up our current location, new paint, new ceiling tiles, new pads. But that does not stop me from seeing a vacant space and fantasizing about what we could turn it into.

I have visited dojos that really pushed the idea of setting (and ultimately achieving) goals. They have posters on the wall with motivational slogans like "If you dream it you can be it ." They talk about "winners" and "warriors", both on and off the mat. Sometimes it is the brass ring of black belt they are selling. Other times it is simply a healthier lifestyle, a skinnier, more confident you. These are all good things. In training, as well as in life, working towards something makes the actual work easier. It gives you a reason to do those pushups. It helps you come to class, even when you are feeling tired and unmotivated. It gives you a sense of purpose.

The problem is when you become so focused on the finish line that you forget all about the journey. A constant focus on the future implies that the present is not important, that it is just the stuff you have to endure to get the prize at the end. Nowhere is this attitude more prevalent than the American workplace. Thousands of people kill themselves every day, putting in long hours in jobs they cannot stand, all for the goal of saving money for retirement. (I am not talking about those who kill themselves every day because they have to put food on the table. Most of them, unfortunately, have no other choice.) Really think about this for a moment. These people work ten hour days, six days a week, to earn money that they have no opportunity to spend, except for their annual vacation where they lie on a beach and try to make the days last longer, as if they were inmates on death row. It is ok though, because after 30 years of this they will retire to a house on a hill and finally be able to enjoy their life. Really? This is how we want to spend our youth? Miserable, waiting, working towards the time when we are finally old enough to be happy.

My mother taught high school English for over 30 years before she retired. Her job was not easy, and it being in the NYC public school system, not always fun. (Not because of the kids. The kids were great. It was the administration that was usually lacking.) But she loved being a teacher, a fact that is clearly evident in her current choice of part time work. (Tutoring, mentoring other teachers, leading writing workshops) She was working towards retirement yes, but making a difference in the lives of teenagers the whole way there.

The goal obsession can be a problem in martial arts training too. There are only two tangible "rewards" in martial arts; belts and trophies. Belts are few and far between. Trophies are great except that it has been my experience that students who are always training only for competition are not very nice sparring partners for the rest of us. Put simply, the qualities that make you a good competitive fighter are not the same qualities that make you fun and beneficial to work with. You have to train selfishly to win. And selfish people are not so much fun to drill with.

The other rewards of training (the less visual ones like self confidence, body control, perseverance) are much harder to put on a mantle.

I think the key is to find a balance. Set long term goals that will keep you excited about your work, both in the dojo and out. They will help you when your days are long and boring as some are bound to be. But while you are pushing forward, dreaming about that corner office or that shiny new belt, make sure to stop and smell the roses every once in awhile. Take your kid to the park on a Tuesday. Notice the color of the paint on the walls. (Last Friday I had to stop my karate class so the kids (a group of 4-6 year olds) could all examine a giant centepede on the wall. The teacher and poet Taylor Mali has a great poem about trying to teach math while some movers are hoisting a piano outside the window across the street. Sometimes, as a teacher, you have to just let life happen, even if it is not in your lesson plan.)

I know I am lucky to have a job that I enjoy and a life that more resembles my mother's retirement that that of most of my peers. I am grateful every day that I do not have to drag myself to an office, squeezed between all the other L train commuters. I have lived that life before and it is not for me. And I love our current dojo,with its drafty corners and ceiling holes. But that love does not stop me from daydreaming about the next version, the one with the climbing structure and coffee bar, or the matted floor and weight room, the one that has space for an afterschool program and a gymnastics class and hell, while we are talking fantasies, the swimming pool and indoor playground! I have daydreams about our apartment too (hello rooftop deck!) and our beach house and a whole bunch of images in my head that have nothing to do with money. (Mostly of Maya, at various future stages of her life, 2nd grade, high school, her wedding, her black belt promotion...)

I also have smaller goals. I want to have three good classes this afternoon, classes where the kids work hard and learn a lot. There is one girl who often seems bored. Today I will make sure she isn't. Sometimes I ignore Maya in class in an attempt to not show favoritism. Today I will make sure I tell her how good her kata is looking, and not just after class when no else one is listening.

And then, after I am all done teaching for the day, I will sit down at my desk and visit the imaginary world where someone has read my blog and decided that it is genius and they must publish it right away. In that place the dojo is three floors high, Maya is running her own very successful restaurant and I am a black belt in jiu-jitsu.

But we are still driving my mother's old Toyota Camry. Some things are just us, even in daydreams.

gerri gewirtz