Depression

                                          

from their earliest years children live on familiar terms with disrupting emotions, fear and anxiety are an intrinsic part of their everyday lives, they continually cope with frustrations as best they can. And it is through fantasy that children achieve catharsis. It is the best means they have for taming Wild Things.”
― Maurice Sendak

            I was going to call this How to Avoid Depression, but then I realized that no one can avoid it.  As Maurice says: even children have to cope with it at some time or another.  I wish I could deal with it with fantasy, but since I’ve lived too long reality often encroaches on my fantasy world and it doesn’t really work.

            Recently I had to cope with a two month period during the summer when my husband had hip replacement surgery and complications caused us to be thrown together, mostly in hospitals or at home with me as a caregiver.  Although we had excellent support from home care workers and physical therapists I often felt isolated, even though my son and daughter called be called on for support most times when I needed it.

            Yesterday it finally came to a head and I broke down – first getting angry at my husband, then crying uncontrollably, and finally discussing it with him and coming to a sense of relief and determination about how to deal with it.

            Psychologists say there are three stages of depression: anger, grief, and determination to do something about it.  This piece is one of the determinants because it allows me to express my feelings in an objective way without blaming anybody for what has happened.  (This was one of the suggestions that my son expressed in a discussion we had about my breakdown after he witnessed it.)

            Dealing with feeling isolated is easy.  You have to get out with people you like to be with and let them distract you.  My granddaughter is perfect for that because she helps me do what Sendak says children are great at – living in a fantasy world.

            Getting away from your everyday environment is another way.  Because we were restricted from driving any place far because of my husband’s restricted movement, I gave up my car and have done no trips outside or around the city in the last few months.  I plan to remedy that by joining Zipcar as soon as possible.  I will use it not just for zipping around Manhattan (I hate to drive on the crowded streets!) but for short trips to Westchester and Long Island with my husband as soon as he feels up to it.

            Finally I have to deal with anxiety.  My anger mostly comes from being impatient about everything: from waiting for my husband to move faster when I’m walking with him, to being disappointed that he’s not improving faster, to planning future events that I know will take time and then having to cancel them in my mind because I was unrealistic about when they could actually take place.  I also found myself doing tasks around the house over and over again and doing things for my husband that I know he accomplish himself with a little bit of extra effort and grit on his part.  I definitely plan to cut back on those activities.

            So how do you deal with depression?  The experts can probably tell you – just look online.  As for me, I plan to do what Maurice suggests: tame my wild things!

                                                                        9/18/12